The Cashew Solution Lasagna

Sure, you can top your lasagna with cheese and stuff it with layers of refined carbs and bechamel sauce. I can’t say I haven't enjoyed that in the past. But what if you can have a creamy tasteful result without getting diabetes overnight?


The Cashew Solution Lasagna gives you an authentic lasagna experience, that won’t stiffen up your arteries and restrict your blood flow. No restricted blood flow means no decreased sexual function, which means no impotent side effects, which means it gets the ‘OK on date night’ stamp of approval.


Ingredients for 2 servings:

 Lasagna blades*


400 g of tomatoes

200 g of mushrooms

150 g of broccoli (if you won’t have veggies as a side dish)

50 g of cashews or macadamia nuts

1 clove of garlic

Green herbs to taste

Salt to taste



50 g of cashews

Garlic powder

Salt to taste



*Nowadays they make lasagna blades from many different kinds of materials, like rice, buckwheat, lentils, etc.

This lasagna was made from lentils, high in minerals and protein.

Legumes have the added benefit of slowing down glucose absorption and blunting any insulin spikes as a result thereof, EVEN THE NEXT MORNING. This is sometimes also called "the second-meal effect"



  1. Get an oven dish or bread tray out.

  2. If your tray or oven dish is bigger than the bread tray used in this recipe, I hope you are good at math.

  3. All kidding aside, check how many layers you want. This recipe uses 4 layers.

  4. If you use a wide oven dish, you may need more sauce. Just keep the ratios more or less the same.

  5. If you’re using very sour tomatoes, don’t be sour about it and add a date or 2 to mellow out the sourness.

  6. Chop up the mushrooms (and broccoli) finely.

  7. Put the other ingredients in a blender and blend without water.

  8. Put the sauce in a bowl and add the mushrooms.

  9. Take out a blade.

  10. If you took out an actual metal blade, stop watching action flicks.

  11. I was talking about lasagna blades, if you still didn't get it.

  12. You just let me waste 3 instruction points on this, thanks.

  13. Check the package of the lasagna blades and look at the instructions. You could make your lasagna blades fresh, but a very complicated mathematical analysis showed us you will either be too lazy or mess up, so we opted for the pre-made ones.

  14. It may be that you need to blanche (dip in boiling water for several seconds) the edible blades before you place the edible blades in the dish. If you won't need to, it helps regardless, to soften the edible blades and make the edible blades fit a bit better. Especially if you are going to use an inedible blade to cut the edible blades.

  15. Be smart and don't mix up edible and inedible blades in above's instruction.

  16. Put an edible blade in the bottom of the oven dish or bread tray. (You can start with the sauce if you're worried it will stick. We don't have this issue, because we obviously use superior equipment)

  17. If you used a standard white wheat lasagna blade, you should go to the "Notes" section right now, before you completely unholy the holiness out of this recipe.

  18. Cover it completely with sauce, until you don't actually see the blade anymore.

  19. Place another blade and sauce layer.

  20. Repeat until you're either out of blades or sauce.

  21. It doesn't matter if you finish the top off with a blade or with the sauce.

  22. Put the cashews for the topping in the blender.

  23. Put the blender on, with a closed lid, and slowly pour water inside through the whole in the middle until it blends smoothly. If the cashew sauce turns out a little bit runny, don't worry.

  24. If you don't have that little hole in your lid, then for god's sake buy a new blender.

  25. Pour the sauce over the top of your majestic layerous wonder.

  26. The sauce should cover everything, especially if you topped the lasagna off with a blade

  27. Preheat an oven to about 180-200 ˚C or 375˚ F

  28. Place lasagna in the middle of the oven for about 40 minutes.

  29. Check up on the lasagna after 40 minutes and see if it has colored to your liking.

  30. If not you could put it higher in the oven and increase the time a bit by 5 or 10 minutes.

  31. Another mathematical analysis has shown that there is a chance you will burn it.

  32. Don't.

  33. After it has colored enough, take it out of the oven and inhale the glory of the Solution that is called Cashew.

  34. Now keep your hands off of this glorious exquisiteness (thank you spell correction) for about 10-20 minutes.

  35. Use a blade to cut the lasagna into parts.

  36. If you used a lasagna blade for this by accident, that's pretty hilarious.

  37. On second thought, it might actually work.

  38. Take a spatula like tool and serve.

  39. Behold and pray for the Cashew blessing.